The Power of Forgiveness

This post has been really hard for me to write. Without going into to much detail I will tell you that my husband and I have had some really rocky patches in our marriage. We have been guilty of allowing the four horsemen (contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling) into our relationship. There is only so much criticism and nagging that a person will take before they start to shut down and retreat. What message was I sending to this man that I promised to spend the rest of eternity with? Was I telling him that he was not good enough? Was I telling him that I didn't care? I didn't mean to send these messages but in reality that is what I was doing. There was a point when I felt that things were so bad that I was considering walking away. I was done and fed up. I blamed him for everything. I was feeling hurt and betrayed.
One day it dawned on me: I was as much to blame for where we were as he was. I had been holding grudges, and constantly bringing up past mistakes. I was being selfish and putting the blame elsewhere. I had not forgiven and it was a very heavy burden to carry. I needed to forgive.
Forgiveness is a necessity in marriage. A marriage cannot be happy and successful without forgiveness. When forgiveness is given in marriage it opens up new avenues of communication. Forgiveness is more that just saying "I'm sorry". For me forgiveness was changing attitudes and looking for a new perspective. Forgiveness was about not thinking about myself and my needs and wants but looking at my husband and seeing his.
The book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage is an amazing book. Chapter 6 talks about consecration in a marriage. I believe this principle goes hand in hand with forgiveness. H. Wallace Goddard writes:

"Consecration in marriage is not simply about receiving our entrance card to the Celestial Kingdom. It's also about becoming qualified for the life we will presumably live there. This requires a transformation of character. In serving and giving to those within our family stewardship as well as demonstrating patience and continually forgiving our spouses for all the ways they might not meet our expectations, we have the opportunity to emulate Christ, thus transforming ourselves." 

Forgiveness is a transformation. Forgiveness is not always easy. It takes work and dedication. When I finally let forgiveness into my life there was a weight that was lifted and things began to get better. It has been a long road but the more I let the principle of forgiveness into my marriage the better things seem to be. At the end of this chapter there is a 30 day challenge. The challenge is...For 30 days show nothing but kindness and appreciation to your partner. Set aside complaints and disappointments, see the good intentions and best efforts in your partner. 

I urge you to give this challenge a try. Even if you have a great marriage I promise this challenge will make it even better. The key to this challenge is help from our Savior. He is the one that helps us to transform into beings that are closer to being Godlike.Ask Him for help and he will give it to you!