Who is your best friend?

(This picture came from my friend, her son is in the bottom 2 pictures. My son in the one on the top on the right.) My youngest son is seven years old. The other day he was telling me all about his day with his best friend.

"When me and my best friend were at school I had to decided if I should help my best friend or Mae. I decided to help Mae because, Kail is my best friend and he'll still be my friend even though I helped Mae. My best friend and I ate lunch together and played at recess together. Then on the bus me and my best friend told each other we would meet at his house and play football and ride our bikes."

What makes a best friend? Your best friend is the one who you want to spend your time with. The one that share your joys, heartaches, triumphs and failings. The one that is always there no matter what. They are the one that you can be 100% you and don't have to hide anything, there is no judgment. Friendships are formed in time spent together and common interests. They take effort and action to keep alive!

Friendship in a marriage is similar in many ways to the friendships that we share with other people in our lives. Dr John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, says:

"The simple truth is that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company. They are well versed in each other's likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express fondness not just in the big ways but in the little ways day in and day out."

The key message in this quote is mutual respect. In less than one month I will have been married for 17 years. My husband, Ryan, is my best friend. He is the one that I want spend my time with. He is the one that I want to share all my good news with. He is the one who encourages me to do things that I think I can't do (like go back to school). I know I can count on him to say no to the salesman at the door when I can't. I know that he'd much rather clean the bathroom than do the dishes. I know that he is bound to fall asleep in front of the TV with his glasses on. I know that someday he wants to see a professional football game and take our boys to Alaska to fish.
He knows that without a doubt I will fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. He knows I dislike pineapple and creepy crawly things. He knew that I had always wanted to go to Hawaii and when he won a trip to Hawaii he took me!! Even though he really didn't want to go. We talk about everything and disagree about a lot. Disagreements don't automatically mean that we don't have a mutual respect for one another. Time has taught me how to disagree and still respect his opinion. I think that disagreements can help a couple to get to know each other even better. You just have to be careful about how you disagree. You need to disagree and still respect the other person. You have to keep loving them and always clear the air at the end.
I have learned a lot from watching my son and best friend. He is always excited to see his friend.  He thinks about his friends feelings.  He is always excited to talk to his friend.  He regularly makes plans with his friend.  He cheers his friend on when they are playing a game, and he misses him when he is out of town for the weekend. Do we have these same feelings for our spouse? It is essential to have friendship in marriage.

"the key to divorce-proofing your relationship is not in how you handle disagreements 

but in how you are with each other when you are not fighting"- Dr Gottman