I love my In-Laws

There is so much that happens when a couple gets married. One of those is merging two family backgrounds. This can be difficult but doable.  
The first step in doing this is to create a marital identity. 

 "The first task of a newly married couple is to separate from the families from which they grew up. One component of separating from the families of origin involved creating a marriage identity. It helps a newly married couple to think of themselves as existing within a invisible fence. They share information and behavior with each other inside the fence, and that information and behavior is not to be shared with others outside the fence. not with future children and certainly not with parents or parent in-laws." (Creating Healthy Ties With in-laws and Extended Family written by James M Harper and Susan Frost Olsen)

They also go on to say that this may be hard for some daughters who are close to their mothers. The last semester of my senior year in high school I only had classes in the morning. At lunch time I was able to go home for the rest of the day. My mom and I got to spend the afternoons together. Because of the one on one uninterrupted time together we built a strong bond and she became one of my very best friends. I love the relationship that we have. When I first got married we lived fairly close to my parents and my mom and I spent a lot of time together. We talked about everything. I didn't realize how much time I had been spending with my mom until my husband said something to me about it. I had to reevaluate the time that I spent with my mom. My husband and I had to set some boundaries. By setting some boundaries it was easier to confide and counsel with Ryan. My mom and I still have a good relationship and just because we set some boundaries doesn't mean I totally cut her out of my life. It just means that I turn toward Ryan and council with him. I still have my mom as a resource but she respected that we needed to establish our identity and our new family. My husband now felt like he didn't have to compete with my mom.
The next step to merge family backgrounds is to establish relationships with the in-laws. When I hear people talk about the horrible relationships that they have with their in-laws it makes me sad. That family helped create and mold your spouse that you have committed to spend eternity with. Building and keeping relationships with in-law family is so very important, especially when children come along. There are a few easy things to do to build and keep those relationships.

• Communicate openly
• Spend quality time with them.
• Accept differences
• Find and make connections

Harper and Olsen wrote: "Demonstrating humor, exercising patience, overlooking small irritations, and looking for the positive can help in dealing with the differences." Sometimes it takes a lot of prayer to be able to look past the differences and accept and love our in-laws. I really love my in-laws. They are good people and very supportive. It was hard for me to find my niche and feel like I fit in. When Ryan and I were first married I would have him call his parents if there was any information that we needed. If there was a holiday I would have him coordinate our plans. Shortly after we had our first child I asked myself why I was afraid of communicating with them? It was then that I decided that I was very capable of communicating with them myself. I made an effort to talk and get to know my in-laws. I would call my mother-in-law and see if she wanted to go to lunch. I would invite my sister-in-laws to go do things. I know have a really good relationship with them and I consider them my family. Now I have even more of a support system then I did before. 
I am so very grateful for the gospel and the knowledge that I have. I am grateful for families and I know that if we keep our covenants we will be able to have those relationships and friendships that extend into eternity. I am grateful for my testimony of the gospel. I love this church. I love the gospel. I love my family.  

Becoming One

General Conference is held the first weekends in April and October. Members from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints meet and listen to prophets and apostles who give us direction. One of my favorite apostles to listen to is Henry B Eyring. His words are beautiful, powerful and moving. In April of 1998 he gave an talk titled That We May Be One. If you want to listen or read it go here. 

In his address he talks about how we are not meant to be alone. From the beginning God knew that we would need to have a partner in order to learn and grow. After God created Adam he wanted a help-meet for him so he created Eve. Adam and Eve were the first married couple in the history of our planet. They are an example to every married couple. 

"Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. 

That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity."

Henry B. Eyring

God put us on this Earth to tested and to be able to become like Him. He wants us to learn to be 

• kind
• charitable
• loving
• selfless
• humble
• forgiving
• thoughtful
• meek
• patient 
• willing to sacrifice

Just as Adam and Eve had their trials (being cast out from the garden of Eden, having one of their sons kill the other) we will too have to go through trials. How we go through them can knit our hearts together or tear them apart. How we turn to each other and work together in harmony, set aside our pride and allow our spouse to influence us and then together turn to the Lord and ask for His guidance in what we are to do, will help us as partners to become one. We have to turn to the Lord to accomplish this. We have to let Him in and be apart of our lives. President Eyring teaches:

 Where people have that Spirit with them, we may expect harmony. The Spirit puts the testimony of truth in our hearts, which unifies those who share that testimony. The Spirit of God never generates contention (see 3 Ne. 11:29). It never generates the feelings of distinctions between people which lead to strife. It leads to personal peace and a feeling of union with others. It unifies souls. A unified family, a unified Church, and a world at peace depend on unified souls.

We have to have the spirit with us in order to truly be of one heart. Doing this takes effort. It is the easy day to day, week to week, month to month things that will keep us as one. Reading our scriptures, studying the words of the prophets, praying together, FHE (family home evening), taking the sacrament, attending the temple, serving our spouse, speaking kind words, praying for each others needs. It really comes down to the person that we are. The more Christ-like characteristics we develop in ourselves the closer we become to truly being one with our spouse and with the Lord.

  

images obtained from google images